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  • Writer's pictureLa'Chris Jordan

Just Lean Back

So, you’re single and go on dates from time to time. Maybe you have multiple men on the string or just one. Whatever the case, it’s easy to get caught up in the rush of initial attraction when you meet someone for the first time. Trust me, I’ve been there. You’re both calling, texting and loving on each other like crazy. And then something happens. The drop-off begins and the realization that this guy is perhaps not really for you begins to sink in. It’s disheartening because you had such high hopes for the both of you and for a shared life together and...

Wait. Hold up.

It’s only been a month?! Three? Girl, calm down. Pump the brakes on this train. You don’t know really him nor does he really know you. Hours on the phone and dinner dates (or even sex) does not make a real relationship. To save yourself future heartache and stress, I want you to try this when you first meet a man: Lean back and observe. Just observe. That’s it, that’s all.

Don’t pull out your list.

Don’t recite your list.

Don’t demand he take you out.

Don’t ask him when the next date is.

Don’t expect a call.

Don’t expect a text.

Don’t insist he meet your friends and family.

Don’t ask if he’s ready for a relationship.

Don’t assume he’s in love with you. (He’s in lust, not love)

Don’t ask him if he’d like to have children.

Don’t friend/follow him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any of that mess.

Don’t sleep with him. (He hasn’t earned access to all that gold in your temple yet.)

Just. Don’t.

Now, if he brings these subjects up, proceed with caution. Half the time, men are testing you because they want to see how they should match you in terms of words and actions. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t reciprocate his kindness. Mirror him. Be sweet, be polite, be gentle. Be fabulous. But it’s also equally important that you do more listening than talking.

I had a guy recently tell me he wanted to get married, have a family, the whole nine yards. He wanted me. I was The One. He was tall, attractive and the chemistry was great. We had only known each other for three weeks but I went with it. Maybe he was telling the truth. And lo and behold…out of the blue, he sends me a text that was meant for someone else. I didn’t get upset. Actually, I laughed my ass off because my intuition had been spot on about him. He tried to explain himself but what do you say after you’ve texted the wrong woman? Boy, bye.

I tried this experiment not too long ago. Many men didn’t even make it to the second date with me. They eliminated themselves without me hardly lifting a finger. And because I didn’t know them or wasn’t “in love”, I had less invested. There were no tears shed, no lost sleep, no drama – just more material for my website and book.

So, I will say it again. Sit back and observe your potential suitor for the first 90 days. This is your opportunity to let him show you what he’s all about. Not only will it eliminate you having to chase (which is never a good look anyway), it will also allow you the time you need to see if he’s someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship with. Trust me, it works. So, get rid of the expectations. Or in the words of a dear friend, "Expectations reduces joy."

Simply lean back and observe. That’s it, that’s all.



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